Shiva
When a death occurs, there is a heightened sensitivity and awareness about the ways each religion, faith and culture may observe different traditions, rituals and customs relating to burial, visitations and mourning practices. When considering how to express condolences to family, friends and co-workers of the Jewish faith, one of the most commonly asked questions is: What is appropriate to bring or send to those in mourning during a shiva?
The Basics of a Shiva
Shiva (translated literally to “seven”) is the weeklong mourning period for first-degree relatives of the deceased, and it is the first part of structured mourning in Judaism. The primary purpose of the shiva tradition, or "sitting shiva," is to create an environment of comfort and community for mourners. Throughout the observance of a shiva, mourners come together in one family’s home to offer their condolence and support. Specific observances may vary depending on the Jewish community, but it is a time for first-degree relatives of the deceased to focus on mourning, honoring and remembering.
Why Is Food Customary during a Shiva?
In Judaism, family, friends, and the greater community take on the responsibility of comforting and providing for those that are mourning by tending to their basic needs while a family is sitting shiva. During the shiva, mourners are required to abstain from participating in some of the most basic functions of everyday life, including cooking and preparing meals. Emotional and physical support, most importantly nourishment is provided by the community.
The first meal occurs upon return from the cemetery, and is called the seudat havara'ah. The seudat havara’ah is considered a private meal to be shared among immediate family members, not a public event where condolences are offered.
For the balance of the shiva, it is the community's responsibility to ensure that mourners receive sufficient food and proper nourishment.
What Is a Shiva Tray?
In Judaism, a shiva tray is a customary condolence gift containing a variety of food items that is sent to the home of those sitting shiva following the loss of a loved one. These food items are generally intended to provide nourishment for those in mourning throughout the weeklong duration of the shiva, as mourners traditionally do not leave the shiva house during this time.
Shiva Trays, Platters and Meals
In Judaism, following a death, it is customary and traditional to express sympathy and offer condolences by bringing or sending a meal and condolence trays (referred to as ‘shiva trays) to the family members of the deceased who are sitting shiva. There are several different types of food options that may be sent to a shiva following a burial in Judaism. A shiva tray or platter generally contains meats, fish, specialty salads, fruit and sweets that are delivered to the shiva home as a meal. In addition or as opposed to sending a shiva tray, family, friends and colleagues may elect to even consider catering a meal for the family.
When to Send a Shiva Tray or Meal
Shiva begins immediately after burial, with the day of the funeral counted as the first day of a shiva. Families are grateful to receive food and condolence items at any point during the seven-day mourning period. Additionally, it is tradition for friends, neighbors and the broader community to supply and prepare the seudat havra’ah – or “first meal” – upon return to the shiva home, which is generally consumed following the funeral.
Where to Send a Shiva Tray or Meal
Shiva trays are generally sent to the home where the family is sitting shiva. The location of a shiva is commonly announced at the funeral and may even be included within the obituary. Family, friends, synagogues, and places of employment may also circulate a bereavement notice containing a contact persons name/number to help coordinate food and/or the address and hours that the family is receiving visitors.
Why Are Food Items Sent to a Shiva Home?
The shiva period is a time to mourn and reflect and family, friends and the community are relied upon heavily to not only tend to the home of those sitting shiva, but also to provide meals to help the family in mourning. The customs of bringing and sending food items to a shiva home have evolved over time into a gesture and appropriate offering of support to a family of the Jewish faith in mourning.